What I'm Practicing

My son turned nine years old on January 6th. It astonishes me how quickly time is flying and how rapidly he is growing up into his own. Now there are also glimpses of attitude and defiance showing up occasionally. I guess the snide comments and rolling of eyes are part of growing up, but he is also super sweet, sensitive and kind. He teaches me about forgiveness as he practices it on me.

This was the second birthday we celebrated without my Dad around. Soon after my Dad’s transition, I became more acutely aware of the finite nature of life. I remember being extra mindful and thoughtful in the ways I acted, in my interactions with people and in the decisions I made. I felt like his death transformed me and I thought that from now on I would become an appreciative person that never took anything for granted.

But then here I am, forgetting gratitude and patience as I get sucked into the busy nature of my life and get consumed in things that are not that important. I am easily irritated and I snap at my family or focus on the negative aspects of things rather than looking at all the things that are going well. At the end of the day, I am filled with regret and shame. How am I so forgetful? Why do I need to be reminded so often? What do I need to do for this idea to stick?

2024 is the year of the dragon, which symbolizes power, nobleness, honor, luck and success.

The other day, my son was misbehaving and I ended up yelling at him. Once I calmed down, I felt bad for yelling at him so I went to him and apologized. I told him that I am sorry for yelling and I will do my best to not do it again. He looked at me and said, “It’s ok, mama. You will get better at it every time you practice.” That is probably true. No, that is definitely true. I will get better as I practice. So that is what I will do. I will continue to practice gratitude and patience. I may mess up sometimes or forget to do it, but I will forgive myself and keep practicing.

What are you practicing this year?